We’ve all kept a close eye on my sister Abby since her husband Stefan’s death, which was three months ago yesterday. She is one of the fortunate ones who have a loving posse around her, although many of us live farther away from her home on the Sunshine Coast than we’d like.

My visits to Abby’s were more frequent initially, when she was still very shaken and the mountains of paperwork were a daunting specter in all of our minds. Most of the endless forms are now complete and what remains to be done is well in hand. My sister Nancy and I were extremely grateful to have one another’s help with that gargantuan task. Death paperwork is an ordeal for anyone, but almost inconceivable for someone in the throes of grief…

Abby is still adapting to life without Stefan. But she is slowly taking the reins of her life in hand, and as I watch her I am overwhelmed with love and tenderness for this woman who has been in my life forever. Over the last month, we have stayed in touch mostly by phone. She reported being lonely at times, but she knew it was necessary to let the reality of life without Stefan sink in and to take the time to grieve. She also knew she would have more consistent companionship soon.

The property has a wonderful two-bedroom cabin (known fondly as ‘the shack’) where we all stay during visits. It was the first home Abby, Stefan and our cousin Linda (also deceased) lived in when they bought the property years ago. We meander between there and the ‘big house,’ especially in the summer when the patio between the two is so inviting.

We were delighted when Abby suggested one evening that Mo (our dear friend and ‘sister once removed’) consider moving into the shack. Mo was already looking for ways to extricate herself from the intensity of city life, and she comes with a multitude of gifts (a list too long to write here!). Abby has this property with an empty cabin, large gardens, and a need for help and companionship along the way. The rest of us need reassurance that all is well with her and that we’ll be alerted if anything is untoward. Mo and Abby are both in their 70s (though a number of years apart) so this won’t last forever, but it’s good for now.

My last visit was mostly about clearing out the shack to make room for Mo and her belongings. Stefan liked to hang on to things so there is a lot of ‘stuff’ everywhere on the property. Abby has been phenomenal about letting much of this stuff go, but it is still a huge job to sort through and decide what to keep, what to move to the big house, what to sell, etc.  With each layer that gets uncovered come memories of days gone by and the inevitable reflection on the people we’ve loved that have gone before us.

Mo is up there now, painting and preparing, and Nancy (bless her heart) has taken charge of the actual move that will take place next week.  I’ll be in Edmonton while that happens, attending a conference on Asset Based Community Development. I’m keen to see how what I learn will help grow the kinds of community initiatives that will become more and more necessary as our baby boomer population continues to age. I’ve mentioned some of this in a previous post and will share more in the coming weeks. How can we do what we’re good at and be provided for in return?

What stirs in your mind and heart as you consider your options for aging with loved ones? Let me know, I’d love to hear!