One of my most significant ‘assets’, particularly in the career realm, is my ability to work well in an emergency. It comes online without me even thinking about it, and it’s my ace in the hole if the world really does go into the crapper. I call it chaos management. It includes the tangible skill of problem-solving (and the actions required thereof) but it also encompasses a holding capacity that is slightly more amorphous. It’s as if I take ownership of situations energetically until some semblance of coherence is achieved.

While I appreciate this ability, it comes with its own challenges. With my focus so squarely on the external environment, my internal world has been left largely unattended to. When personal relationships got conflictual or other events disturbed my equilibrium, acute anxiety ensued. The emergency was now an internal one and my resources were limited.

And I didn’t want to be disturbed in the first place!  That was part of the deal I brokered at some point early in my childhood. I’ll look after you (this/it) if you leave me in peace. So keeping my personal expectations dialed right down, at least in the big areas, seemed a necessary strategy.

I’m discovering though, that it’s not my problem-solving skills or my capacity to energetically hold difficult situations that are the most valuable. Where true value comes, is when I have the courage to step fully into situations I’m involved in, and when necessary, to name the dynamics I see occurring. Then the relationships have an opportunity to shift and grow. This feeds and frees me in a way that just holding the situation doesn’t, and it feeds and frees others as well.

This level of truth-telling is not something that comes naturally to me, but it is something I’m interested in cultivating. It requires staying present to what’s occurring and mustering up courage. 

Courage to have conversations that are potentially uncomfortable. Courage to dig deep and discover what it is that I REALLY want and to take a stand for it. Courage to bust the limiting beliefs that still linger around my worth, especially in relation to career, finances and intimate relationships. 

I love this quote by Brené Brown. “Courage is a heart word. The root of the word courage is cor—the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant “To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.”

I think speaking one’s mind by telling all one’s heart is a beautiful thing to aspire to. As I look at my life and my desire to deepen my relationships—with myself, with my family and friends, and with life itself—having the courage to enter the unknown is a necessary step. It’s a leap of faith. And I suspect that by fostering a practice of speaking what is present in my heart, my path will unfold more naturally. I can let go of my anxiety about what the future may hold because I’ll be living (at least more often) in the present moment.

Are there words you need to speak from your heart, that will free you up from a pattern that’s outlived its usefulness? Let me know, I’d love to hear!.