I was reflecting last night that Phase 1 of my blog/vlog launch is now pretty much complete. I’m not ahead of the game with posts written and waiting in the wings (something I aspire to, for the good of my own nervous system) but I’m getting used to the rhythm and have most of the technical aspects worked out. So what is Phase 2, I ask myself?

I’m still not sure what compelled me to begin writing a weekly blog. I knew it was a way to keep myself accountable, but as I come to the end of my second month I am beginning to discover an unexpected gift.

When I was in my early 40s, a friend was entertaining a group of us with a book called The Secret Language of Destiny. She took turns reading each of us our ‘karmic paths,’ of which there are 48 in total, determined by one’s birthdate. Although she hadn’t gotten to me yet, I was drawn to one she was reading to a friend entitled “The Way of Consolidation.” I thought it had to be mine as well because it spoke to me so directly, and when it came time to look mine up, sure enough it was.

“Those on the Way of Consolidation are here to secure their sense of self and learn to stand firm in who they are.”

Fast forward to 2011. I am now in my mid 50s and enrolled in Integral Coaching Canada’s rigorous coaching program. The training involves learning a number of assessment tools, one of which is the Enneagram —a synthesis of ancient wisdom techniques brought together to describe nine different personality types.We were tasked with discovering our own enneagram type and after numerous false starts (over a number of years) I finally landed on Type 9, The Peacemaker. The Enneagram Institute describes this as “The Easygoing, Self-Effacing Type: Receptive, Reassuring, Agreeable, and Complacent.”

There is a self-forgetting nature to the Enneagram Type 9 that I very much resonate with. The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Russo and Hudson (our ‘bible’ while at ICC) says: “The identity of Nines is like a ring that holds a stone or like the frame of a painting. Their attention is on the stone or the picture, not on themselves, and their identity and self-esteem arise by having a relationship (if only imaginary) with those who seem to them to have more value.”

Gauging my value by how others relate to me is uncertain terrain—to say the least! For years, all I’ve longed for is to know where I stand in relation to my family, my intimate partners, my friends and, most importantly, myself. It’s been elusive. I think I’ve arrived somewhere solid, that I can rely on, and then I look back a little while later and realize I’m lost again.

My friend Kate and I spoke recently about the rigour of doing a weekly blog and the merits of writing and/or recording it, regardless of whether anyone reads it or watches it. Of course, it’s wonderful to know there are a few people out there engaging and feeding back, but I’ve come to realize that, at least at for the moment, who I’m doing this for is me.

So that’s where I start Phase 2, and I am curious about where it will lead me. It is a bit too soon to speak with any confidence about what this blog writing practice will achieve, but I have the sense that with each post I write I am slowly pulling together a stronger sense of myself that I can look back at, reflect on, and call my own. And during those times when it feels a little relentless, I can rest into the knowledge that I am doing something worthwhile for myself. I am mining my own gold.

What would support your own unique unfolding? Is there a practice you suspect might enliven you in ways you can’t really imagine? Let me know, I’d love to hear!