For the last five months I have been diligently following the protocol my naturopath prescribed for Cytomegalovirus, a type of herpes virus that has been present in my body for over forty years. I wish I could say I feel fantastic, but I’m still in the thick of it. That isn’t totally surprising to my logical mind. Shifting the status quo is bound to take some time. 

Recent lab results show a dramatic increase in the attention my immune system is paying to the virus. This testing procedure focuses specifically on the body’s immune response to the virus, and one like mine would normally be seen at the outset of an acute infection, not with a chronic condition. I’m told this ‘isn’t a bad thing’ but I’m feeling a little worn out by what occurs to me as a battle between the good guys and the bad guys in my body.

Lately, as I continue to struggle with my health, I’ve been thinking about alternatives. I contacted a woman who taught me Reiki in 2008. She responded by saying that she no longer teaches or practices Reiki, as it is an older method of flow. She now works directly with source energy, light and the quantum field. 

Although there is a big part of me that believes “if you can touch it, taste it, see it, and feel it, it’s real,” my interest in these more esoteric realms has been around for quite awhile. In the early 90s I participated in a program called The Light Work, a spiritual practice that worked on the principle of transformation at the cellular level. We learned a meditation technique that directed light through the body in very intentional ways, and met weekly as a group for a number of years. 

While it makes sense to approach my healing on a physical level, there is an element of managing and fixing that I’m a little entrenched in. I’m trying to use my will to change something that appears fiercely unwilling to change. 

Lynn Twist, Founder of the Soul of Money Institute and Co-Founder of the Pachamama Alliance, spoke eloquently about the difference between change and transformation when I studied with her in 2014. 

Change and transformation are often seen as synonymous. Change is important and is part of life. It has a quality to it of left to right and up to down. It could make the past wrong and aim for ‘right’. 

Transformation is quite different. It is the liberation of consciousness from finite or limited forms of thinking. It gives you insight and hindsight and foresight. And it happens outside of time. We don’t live in our lives, we live in the conversation we have about our lives. When we shift the conversation, everything shifts. It’s ontological, it has a spiritual dimension, and there is an element of magic.

By far the most transformative practices I’ve engaged in have been with the sacred plant medicines from South America. I attended my first retreat at Wasiwaska in 2005 and returned the following year for another two seminars. I’ve spent time in the rainforests of the Amazon and have worked with many gifted shamans. The medicine work is deep and profound, sometimes frightening and always illuminating. Integrating these experiences takes time, support, and loving attention. I’ve taken a long hiatus from this work but recently attended a beautiful ceremony in a forest on the North Shore. It brought me back in touch with the magic of nature and the vaster realms that support us all. 

I’m going to give the protocol another month. I’m also adding in some sessions with the healer I’ve reconnected with, to aid in removing the stuck emotional energy she believes is the cause. I know it’s there and I’m ready to release it. Ready to change the conversation I’ve been attached to for so long. 

Transformation is not something I can will, any more than enlightenment is. But I can create the space for healing to occur. My prayer is that any limiting beliefs keeping this virus intact be transformed and that the spaciousness of possibility take its place. 

Is there something in your life you are ready to transform? Let me know, I’d love to hear!