It’s hard to know if caregiving is a gene that some of us come in with or if we learn it in our family of origin. Either way, my natural inclination has always been to look after others, whether it be people, animals, places or things. As a young girl, when my sister Nancy would get sick, I would dress up as a nurse. I’d give her a pot and a wooden spoon to beat on it with so that I could come running if she needed anything. Similarly, when she had friends staying for a sleepover, I would dress up as a maid and take their orders for breakfast. Clearly there was more going on with my revered older sister than just caregiving, but I’m sure you get the drift! Caregiving can be tricky business. Often we think it’s only for ‘now’ and things will ease up ‘when’. But conditions often become chronic, caregiving patterns become established, and before we know it, the life we once had that included time for self nurturing has vanished. For myself, once the ‘on’ button has been pushed it is very difficult to find the ‘off’. My own needs, desires, and requirements take a back seat. THIS is surely more important. There could be many reasons for ranking others needs higher than my own. Often it’s critical health issues, or limited periods of time to assist. Sometimes it could a very demanding person who’s desires simply overwhelm my own, and often (this is more humbling) it’s that I’ve drifted closer to caretaking than caregiving. This article offers the distinction between caregiving and caretaking. There are more than a few telltale signs for me to pay attention to. I have a tendency to give, give, give, until I snap. Something rises up in me that says “Enough! I’ll do no more.” And then where does that leave us?  Me – aloof, disconnected, temporarily oblivious. Something essential in my nature has shut down, been pushed aside. And the other? I’m not sure but I suspect bewildered, perhaps bereft, and more than a little pissed off. I’ve lost friends, at least for a time, when this too-muchness has shown up. I suspect our Mother had a similar dynamic. She certainly tended to ‘blow’ from time to time, no doubt because her needs got lost in the cacophony of everyone else’s. Four kids, Dad, Dad’s Dad, her Mum, and miscellaneous others. Once overwhelm came upon her she would take off without a backward glance, needing the freedom that only walking away could provide. Striding purposefully to the beach seemed to soothe something in her soul and eventually, once calm and available again, she’d make her way back home. It requires self awareness to interrupt these ingrained patterns. Laura, one of my teachers at Integral Coaching Canada, recognized this tendency of mine to strain in the service of others. She crafted a practice for me that centered around including myself in the caring. I was deeply touched and have held the phrase close ever since. I’m reminded anew as I write this how important it is to find my own balance, my truth, my limits. It allows me to stay in right relationship with the people I hold dear, who I may have tended to push away in the past. To include myself in the caring. In what ways do you override your own requirements in service of others? How might you include yourself in the caring just a little bit more?  Let me know, I’d love to hear!