Experimental Introduction

It’s birthday eve and I woke up feeling predictably anxious. The ONLY thing I wanted to do when I got up this morning was clean my house. I wanted something tangible, predictable and comforting to ease my angsty soul. I’ve now done a little of that and I’m finally settled. So here I am, trying to find the words that I really want to share with you.

Birthdays often pose a challenge for me, but this year I’ve added another element – a website with a weekly blog! – so the anti has gone up.  I do tend to challenge myself in ways that often end up feeling really hard. It’s as if someone walks into my body and takes control for periods of time. She gets the ball rolling then disappears, leaving me holding the bag. The juxtaposition between her brilliant ideas and my comfort zone provokes terror in my more reticent self, and with it the inevitable resistance.

It’s hard to rest in the part of me I want to share with you and not get carried away with trying to look good. To market myself in some way, get more bang for my proverbial buck, but that is not remotely my intention with this post.

I believe we are ALL our best-kept secrets. That we have innate gifts we would love to share with the world but we just don’t know how to bring them forward. We end up spending hours, days, weeks, years doing work that just sustains us, while our real genius is waiting in the wings for moments when it can pop out and enlighten and delight us.

These moments can feel vulnerable though. We’re not used to shining a spotlight here (or even a tiny flashlight) so we shy away. I’ll do that another day, we promise ourselves…

I’ve been exploring the whole world of aging, death and dying for the last several years. I’ve learned a lot and I’ve shared some of it but the vastness of the subject matter and the wide nature of my interest tends to stymie me. One of my intentions over the coming year is to use this platform as an opportunity to consolidate my thoughts.

My other intention is to come more fully into myself, whatever that means and whatever that ends up looking like. For the longest time I was aiming at break even, like I was coming from a long way under and hoping to just arrive at zero. I’ve passed that threshold now (I think!) but there are so many aspects of myself that remain hidden. I was reminded recently that we all arrive on this planet perfect and that it’s the crusty bits we use as protection that get in our way. It is my hope that through this process I will begin to see myself in a new and kinder light, like the young sprite I came in as.

I’d be delighted if you signed up to follow my blog. I’m a community builder at heart and I have this idea that if we come together in some intentional way, that we can cook up things that will surprise us all!